why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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