Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
