MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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