just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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