how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
