My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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