just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
