That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
