I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
