so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Randomize
