i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
