it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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