Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
