your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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