put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
