how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
