thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize