My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
