can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
