i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
