Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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