bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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