Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
