I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
