Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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