I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
fuck your aforementioned shoe
a search helicopter?!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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