Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize