i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
