Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
