You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
