apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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