k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
