Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
