Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I want a musical about memes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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