Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
My balls are so social today.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
