he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
