God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
