im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize