yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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