She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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