remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Dick very happy bro
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
