Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
