do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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