He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
