i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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