We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
