summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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