I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
