Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
