he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
