My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
