Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
