i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
