she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
