Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
