Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This baby is an asshole
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
