how can u be prego again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize