so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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