Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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