I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
