It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
