I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love having hate sex.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
