and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize