oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just pee around me
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
