someone get that fucking seahorse.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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