Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there's paper in my vomit.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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