I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
