i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
